She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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