Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
