wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
