her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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