so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
