Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
