Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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