Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
