kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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