Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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