i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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