I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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