I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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