I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
