god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
