ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
