You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
