everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
