please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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