Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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