I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
