need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
