all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The Olympian is in my bed
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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