Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
