I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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