I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
