1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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