Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
