I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
