it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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