he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
