Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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