Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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