white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
