i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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