i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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