I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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