i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
