Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
