i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
