So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
