his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
