so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
