what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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