I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
