i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
