So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
