I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
