i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Randomize
