Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
