I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
